So friends across the pond before I enter into the main gist of todays report please may I post something that I posted on OTIB 24 hours ago (QUOTE):-

Posted Yesterday, 04:08 PM

Whilst I was away a Bristol City legend sadly passed on.  Les Bardsley.  Now Les never pulled on a red shirt in anger but his contribution to the BCFC cause was probably a million more times more than the likes of a certain Nicholas Brett Hunt (More of later) who also left us this week and I would suggest that dear old Les probably earned less in a year what the aforementioned Mr.Hunt earned in a week – Sad world isn’t it?  Now for my more mature readers Les was Citys trainer, a title that soon evolved into that of physiotherapist, when I first started going down to the Gate almost half a century ago.  Les was a total gentleman who I cannot recall anyone having a bad word about.  Les served the City loyally for over 20 years and I can still remember him dashing on to the pitch armed only with what looked like an overnight wash bag a bit different to these days when it appears that the physio’s go on to the pitch with as much medical equipment required to stock up most A and E departments???  I can also remember that Les was often seen at Ashton wearing a white coat, presumably one that he had got from a doctor and he always had a mischievous smile on his face as he gently puffed on his pipe???  A true gentleman and a name forever linked with at least one long standing supporter as being totally synonymous with BCFC.  From a very different era.  RIP Les.

 

Also this week saw the closing of the January transfer window with the usual comings and goings down at the Gate.  So lets start with the goings.  Yours truly flew off to Scandanavia taking with me the very slim hope that my all time favourite City player a certain Bradley James Orr just might return home to the Gate.  That hope was very soon extinguished when Bradders decided that Ewood Park was a better destination possibly influenced by a significant pay increase and I know for certain that he was already earning in a week at Loftus Road more than dear old Les Bardsley earned in twelve months.  So on the goings first to go was Nicholas Brett Hunt who in my opinion will be remembered (Unlike LB) in BCFC history as the VERY WORST signing that we have ever made.  City informed us that they had terminated his contract by mutual consent.  Now in my parlance Mr.Hunt has been paid up the remaining time of his contract in full.  He made a total of making eight appearances for us in eighteen months.  Now this was a player who had made well over 100 appearances in the Premier league prior to joining us so the obvious question will always be “Why????”  why did he not earn his vast salary during the last eighteen months.  Another question that has to be asked is “It was totally obvious at the start of the season that he was never ever going to break sweat for the red shirt so why did we not just cut our losses then????”  Now the only positive that I can think of for Nicky leaving the building is that us City fans will not have to see a certain white Bentley parked in the players car park on match days with the personalised name plate NBH1.  A Bentley that us fans have bought for a player who has given NOTHING to the club.  Good riddance you total utter waste of space.

Next to go out the door was my old mate “Little” Lee Johnson.  Now I will be the first to admit that when Lee was more of a regular, like a lot of other City fans he was not always my “favourite” player and at times he down right frustrated me with his sideways / backwards passing – often to one of the opposition.  In Lee’s defence I must admit that I honestly thought that he was never the same player after Darius Henderson committed grevious bodily harm on him during a night game against Watford at the Gate.  We certainly missed him when he was out then.   But, perversely since he has not been actually taking part I have got very friendly with the little man especially as he made his way round the side of the pitch dressed immaculately.  Lee was always good for a friendly exchange of good humoured banter normally as he tried to flog me a “nice little, desirable, bachelor pad in Henleaze!!!!”  Must admit I was a tad surprised that we have let him go as “if” Kilkenny got injured Little Lee would be an absolute ready made replacement, especially between now and the end of the season, when midfield cover looks a little on the thin side, but, what do I know?  I will certainly miss Little Lee and unlike a certain Mr.Hunt, I would really like to thank him for his efforts and service in a red shirt and wish him all the very best for the future, a future that me thinks may not involve kicking a ball but more likely in the property sector.  All the very best Lee.

The final departure from the building was HIS MOTHERS VERY OWN FAVOURITE Nicky Maynard who clearly decided that jellied eels and liquor was preferable to Clarks pies.  My info. Was duff on this one as I was led to believe that young Nicholas had in fact signed a pre contract agreement with a Premiership team and would not be joining until the end of the season when we would have got naff all but Nicky’s Mum would have pocketed a nice cool million big ones – Just goes to show what I know, or did the aforementioned Premiership team decide to pull out of the agreement as they found that they could buy better for cheaper from abroad????  HHhhhhmmmmm.  Anyway my own personal opinion of Maynard is that he has never been the same player since he decided that pre last season he would try and become the Franz Klammer of Congresbury and totally knackered his knee up.  He certainly appeared to lost a yard of pace and just like the white Bentley I will not miss his stupid sulky like grin when I knew for certain that the one who Nicky always obeys – Mummy – had already decided that he was moving whatever?  Cannot even wish the silly little child the best for the future or thank him for what he’s done as after he decided to take up Downhill as a hobby and clearly couldn’t stay upright we then carried him for 9 months whilst we got him back to fitness and then how does he (Sorry how does his “advisor” namely Mummy Maynard) thank us.  He pisses off to West Ham.  Would really make me laugh “if” the Hammers bubble was burst and they missed out on promotion at the end of the season back to Nicky’s Mum’s aim of her little baby playing in the Premiership.  I would piss myself.  So much for NEVER signing for another Championship team????  Two words of advice for Nicky taken from that great English intellectual The Pub Landlord himself, Mr.Al Murray and those two words are “GROW UP.”

So that’s dealt with the goings lets eagerly move on to the comings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes that right there wasn’t none.  Brilliant City.  Whilst the likes of Southampton and West Ham were shopping at Waitrose and purchasing Billy Sharp and Nicky Maynard, City were shopping at a car boot sale only to find that it had been called off due to a muddy field therefore buying nothing.  BUT, unlike your author please do not be to distraught there’s always the loan system that Del Boy and Sex Bomb keeps reminding us about???  Oh my cup runneth over Del Boy / Sex Bomb.

Just one more “observation” on the goings (There wasn’t any comings!!!!) this week WHY is it that whenever City are involved in money actually changing hands, unlike most of the deals that we do which involve loaning either our cast offs or us getting someone else’s cast offs, is the transfer fee always reported as being “undisclosed.”  Now a very good friend of mine who is a top accountant and has just done a “Nicky Maynard” and landed a plum job at a major fashion company leaving my company has a theory as to why our transfer fees our of the “undisclosed” variety and I will give you a very “topical” clue as to what his theory just might be like:-

 

So todays opponents our most peoples favourites (NOT) Dirty Leeds so aptly owned by everyones favourite Grandfather (NOT) Ken Bates.  Now unfortunately for both us and Simon Grayson Father Christmas decided to dispense with Graysons services during the week after a home thumping from Birmingham so straight away not only would we have to contend with James Linnington, but also a team with (almost) new manager syndrome?  Certainly does not bode well.

Add to this mixture the weather in Bristol presently which is no higher than 0 degrees and the prospect of heavy snow showers throughout the afternoon – which DID materialise (Please see main picture of the Leeds keeper peering through the blizzard during the second half when he must have thought everybody had decided to go home to the warm and the rugby) and you will see that this was certainly not a fixture that I was looking forward to???

On doing my normal recce of the players car park there was certainly some notable absentees ie The two Nicky’s Bentley and Audi – Oh dear, how sad???

On being warmly greeted as I entered the stadium (NOT) by the girl STILL texting on her Blackberry, the ground resembled more like Ice Station Zebra than Ashton Gate.

It must also be noted that despite valiant efforts by the City groundsman who allegedly slept at the ground for the last two nights – at least thats what he told ‘er indoors!!! the pitch certainly did not look 100% playable and the referees assessor was overheard saying that it was “50/50″ at the best????  Decide for yourself:-

 

When the players finally entered the pitch as per normal the keepers came out first ie Calamity and Gherken and for the second home game running there was no sign of Smiler Naylor thus adding credance to the “rumour” that just like the two Nickys and Little Lee, Stuart has also left the building???  Anyway during the keepers warm up who was taken again by some bald headed geezer who at least appears to know what the word “smile” stands for, unlike Naylor, clearly Calamity got mightily pissed off with something that our “new” goalkeeping coach asked him to do and promptly whacked the ball as high as he could but unfortunately when the ball came down it landed on some young kids in the Atyeo.  Now surprise, surprise, Calamity is straight over there having his picture taken with the unfortunate young City fan and handing out autographs like he does it all the time – NOT????

When the teams were announced obviously Carey was out suspended following his red at Reading but surprisingly there was no Nyatanga or Mav.  At least Mav put in an appearance alongside the crocked Kung Fu Clarkson and the Hairband who I personally thought had his best game of the season for us today sat in Block D, Row 6, Seat 23 of the main grandstand!!!!!  HA

Long may the Hairband occupy this same position!!!!  Also around the same time just for those pervs amongst my loyal readership this mob not only put in an appearance but marched right in front of the Williams, so for all of those who time their entry into the ground just when the teams walk out just look at what you could have seen!!!!!

After a well respected minutes applause for both Les Bardsley and the City fan who sadly died during the last home game v Doncaster and with the snow falling heavily City kicked off attacking the East end as is per normal.  The first real action came after 3 minutes when Leeds had a free kick in a decent position fired over Calamity’s cross bar.  A minute later Albert forced the Leeds keeper Lonergan into a decent save low at his near post.  The game then settled down to City having the majority of the possession but not really creating any clear cut chances.  On 17 minutes Leeds Snodgrass became the first player to earn Linningtons displeasure and received a yellow card.  Clearly Leeds were targeting their old team mate Kilkenny who was on the receiving end of several nasty challenges.  now at this time the snow was falling heavily and with the temperature being no higher than zero I give you the second contender for todays Glen Schmidt Golden Moment nomination:-

and its the Leeds cock who stood for the whole 90 minutes in the East End totally shirtless???  Unbelievable.

On 37 minutes the ever impressive Kaliffe Cisse made a brilliant interception on the edge of our area and fed Albert Adomah who bore down on goal but his shot was pushed away again at the near post by Lonergan in front of a sizable travelling contingent of Dirty Leeds fans.  Then on 39 minutes with their first real attack Leeds opened the scoring when City got committed to the ball and some good hold up play by Becchio leaving Snodgrass at the far post unmarked to fire Dirty Leeds into the lead past Calamity.  Four minutes later a long through ball proved our undoing as with the ball appearing to drop behind him, Wilson and McCormack “tangled” and  Linnington decided that young James had purposedly stopped McCormack with a goal scoring opportunity and thus Wilson was shown red?  Must admit i had a more than reasonable view and I would suggest it was “debatable” to say the least and clearly the referees decision was influenced by Leeds disgraceful protestations.  In the last minute of the half Kilkenny had a good opportunity to equalise but his effort (Which incidentally would be his last of the game as he was substituted by McGivern at the start of the second half) was deflected wide.  So City went in at half time one down after yet again having nearly all the possession but not making that many clear cut chances – sadly this is becoming a very recurring theme.

During the half time interval another City legend was brought out onto the pitch, one SIR GEOFF MERRICK.  Now there was a player.  Also at half time I must nominate my old mate David Lloyd for the third of todays GSGM nominations when he made the superb link of handing over from one gorgeous lady in the club president Marina Dolman to another set of gorgeous ladies, Viscocity????  Oh pass me the sick bucket?

So with the snow now falling even heavier City’s 10 men were supplemented by McGivern coming on for Kilkenny, but it was obviously now going to be a very much uphill challenge for the City and so it proved after 53 minutes when Leeds were allowed to walk at will through our defence only for McCormack to be waived offside as he stroked the ball past Calamity.  But then City’s task was made even harder as after being rightfully booked (In my opinion) after 55 minutes Bolasie was the second City player to see red 2 minutes later for a challenge which I must admit I did not have a good view of.  By now City were in “damage limitation” mode albeit we were still only one goal behind and after 64 minutes what was left of City’s defence again parted like the Dead sea but were saved by another excellent Calamity save.  By this time us more enterprising City faithful were either hoping for the snow to turn into a total blizzard therefore forcing dopey head to abandon it or even better for us to force stupid to send off ANOTHER two City players thus again forcing him to abandon it?  Well Cisse was clearly thinking along the same lines as on 69 minutes he scythed down a Leeds player but only got a much deserved yellow.  From the resulting free kick Calamity made another good save to keep the difference down to one.  On 70 minutes Del Boy took off the totally useless and ineffective, Wood and replaced him with John Stead.  But by now with City down to only 9, Leeds were playing with us.  Calamity made another good save on 75 minutes but three minutes later McCormack scored the inevitable second.  With ten minutes left Liam Fontaine had a good header saved from a rare Skuse free kick, but by now it was really damage limitation.  On 84 minutes Jamal Campbell-Ryce made a welcome return coming on for Cisse.  During his short period on the pitch JCR probably did more than either Adomah or Bolasie had done in the previous however many minutes put together.  In the first minute of added time Becchio made it three nil with a simple finish from within the six yard box.

So yet another three points are taken away from Ashton this season by the opposition.  This is our seventh home defeat of the season which is clearly not good enough.  My personal concern is that we always seem to have a lot of possession especially in the first halves of games but do not or cannot create good chances, also it appears that we are extremely reluctant to have a “pot shot” from distance?  Surely on a day like today with the weather playing a major part you have to try the opposition keeper and he just might “spill” something???  From your reporter the jury is still very much out on our new management regime, certainly based on some of his signings thus far?????

Marks out of ten (BCFC)

Calamity – 7 – Made some excellent saves to keep the score down and really could not do a lot about any of the goals.

Skuse – 6 – Made some very good interceptions and generally was sound.

Foster – 5 – Not a lot wrong but after the reduction in numbers it was always difficult for him to go forward.

Fontaine – 5 – After we went down to 9 men he showed a lot more attacking flair than a lot of our strikers!!!!

Wilson – 4 – Just listened to Del Boys summing up and it appears that he has blamed the youngster for his own red card so I will have to accept the managers view.

Cisse – 6.5 – Playing in his best position done a lot of very good work breaking up Leeds attacks.

Kilkenny – 5.5 – When he was allowed to play did OK but was to often being put on his arse by his ex mates.

Bolasie – 5 – Cannot agree with Del Boys views on Yannicks red especially the first yellow which looked stone on from where I was sat?

Adomah – 4.5 – Ever since he was not included in the African Nations frankly he has been poor?  Worrying?

Pearson – 3 – Woeful.  Looked like he had taken one look at the weather and decided “F that”.  Did nothing.

Wood – 2 – Yes 2 and he was lucky to get that!!!!  I will personally drive him back to West Bromwich myself, now and its blowing a blizzard outside?  Has the turning circle of the Costa Concordia and the touch of a JCB.  Get up in the stand with that other superb player, hairband or better still get back to your Kebab van.  Awful signing based on todays showing.

SUBS

McGivern (For Kilkenny) – 4 – Again sorry but not a fan.  Didnt really bring anything to the second half party.

Stead (For Wood) – 5 – At least Steady tried.

Campbell-Ryce – (For Cisse) – 6 – Made more positive runs than both Adomah and Bolasie and his crosses were a lot more dangerous.  ”If” Del Boy has a personal problem with JCR then for the good of the club put it to bed.

Picture teaser – The ex City player now working for Dirty Leeds coaching staff but when the new manager is brought in next week will probably be unemployed (again)?  None other than our ex keeper Andy Leaning?  Never wore tights when he played for us?

And finally drum roll from the combined drum corps of the Portsmouth, Blackpool and Doncaster drum corps if you so please. the prestigious Glen Shmidt Golden Moment award for today goes to the dope of a Leeds fan who decided that the one thing (apart from three points and a meal with James Linnington) was hypothermia!!!!  Glen would be so proud of a “Real man”:-

 

 

So if you remember my last report home to Donny praised the ref Fred Graham for in my view helping us getting three points this week I have to (again) lay criticism at the feet of a certain James Linnington who certainly does not support the City.  But in a week when we have sadly lost Les Bardsley RIP and several others let me if I may finish on this last thought – Les Bardsley, Gone but NEVER forgotten, Nicky’s Maynard and Hunt, Gone and ALREADY LONG FORGOTTEN.

Take Care,

Si

Hello to all my fellow suffering BCFC fans on both sides of the “pond.”  Before I begin todays match report may I take this opportunity to personally thank all those wonderful friends who have offered their thoughts and condolences at this particular time.  Sadly my sister passed away a week ago and whilst she was never a BCFC fanatic like yours truly she always enquired as to their latest result.  Gone but NEVER forgotten.  RIP.

Now call me extremely old fashioned but when I listen to comments from  the likes of Del Boy and Calamity claiming that the home game against  the mighty Donny is “A must win game” or “The first of 20 cup finals” then this really starts to worry me and certainly puts into very stark perspective just what our current position is?  We return to Ashton following two visits to Sussex over the last couple of weekends which saw us crash ignominiously out of the FA Cup to lower opposition (Again) and then a week later showing about as much passion and fight as we did at Crawley we gifted Brighton three of their easiest points of the season with our performance being summed up by our first worthwhile shot on target (A Pitman free kick) coming in the 94th which ironically happened to be the LAST kick of the game???  As I previously stated whilst I am more than prepared to give Del Boy time to turn round  the crock of total excrement that he inherited it really does both worry and baffle me that he continues to stay loyal to a complete waste of a shirt such as The Hairband and also keeps starting greedy Maynard when HIS MUM!!! has already made it transparently clear that her little Nicky’s future lies a long way away from BS3???  Del Boy has been doing a little bit of business in the transfer market but his hands are clearly tied firmly behind his back with the club hemorrhaging money and a lot of greedy fat cat players reluctant to piss off as they know that with their limited skills and even more limited desire to raise a sweat they are on a gravy train that most certainly will not be available elsewhere???  He has brought in Aberdeens captain Ricky Foster who has come with extremely mixed comments from the Aberdeen faithful the best being the offer to drive young Ricky all the way from Pittrodie to Ashton (Nicky Hunt ring any bells here readers???) and Chris Wood who my spy at Brighton last week commented “Had the turning circle of an Italian cruise liner sight seeing off a small Meditteranean island!!!!!”

May I also add that prior to todays game our current goal scoring record is a mightily impressive (not) total of three goals in 630 minutes or put it another way one goal in almost every three hours!!!  To make it even more impressive it must be noted that this scoring level has been against the powers of English football such as Derby, Millwall, Coventry and Crawley so at present it does not take a genius to work out just exactly where our current problem lies?

Now all of the above was written some 24 hours prior to kick off so it was extremely refreshing to note that when the teams were announced Del Boy had ACTUALLY listened to me???  The Hairband was not even witnessed at Ashton this afternoon.  McGivern didnt get changed out of his suit and all Nicky’s Mums little soldier did all afternoon was get splinters in his arse as he warmed the subs bench – Well done Del Boy?  Also it was announced today that Jamie MacAllister has been allowed to go out on a months loan to PNE – Really hope that this is not the last we see of Macca as he has been a very loyal servant to the club.  The afternoon was extremely cold with a very blowy and blustery wind swirling all round Ashton.  Considering Doncaster’s lowly league position (Well they are below us!!!) they brought a surprising number of away fans but very unusually most appeared to be of an age where they could have used their bus pass to travel down at a reduced rate???  Also good to see that one of the Donny senior members managed to bring their bass drum with them also?  Doncasters boss little Dean Saunders made an early appearance and for my regular readers Deano was doing a very good impression of our (Perhaps) goalkeeping coach Stuart Naylor with his extremely “Max Wallesque” trousers.

Now in the “absence” of our old mate Smile Along Naylor (Some rumours are suggesting that he just “may” have left the building???) Deano wore a pair of tight trousers and for this he gets the first of this afternoons nominations for the Glen Schmidt Golden Moment.

As previously mentioned Del Boy appeared to have finally woken to the fact that the Hairband is a total waste of a shirt, so Bolasie started on the left, Albert on the right with Wood up front in the middle.  Foster made his debut at home starting at left back.  Our subs bench was very much “attack” minded with Pitman, Maynard and Stead joining Wilson and Gherken.  As for Doncaster who appear to be “coached” by Saunders yet all of their “signings” are controlled by an agent – Bizarre, they had one of our old nemesis’s Billy Sharp up front and they also included that master Pantomine villain in El Haj Diouf in their starting line up.  Doncaster won the toss and asked City to break with their normal style and attack the Atyeo in the first half facing the strong swirling wind.

After only 30 seconds Albert A. set off on a long mazy run down the right and he earned an early corner.  With City starting very strongly 60 seconds later a Cole Skuse cross was headed narrowly wide by Albert.  After 3 minutes Foster tried his luck from distance and his effort was diverted round the post by Button the tall Donny keeper.  A minute later our friendly referee for the afternoon, Fred Graham, did us our first favour when he took no action against Yannik Bolasie for (From my angle) a very bad challenge on Donny’s James Coppinger when a yellow card was expected and to be totally honest “if” the card had been red I dont think I would have argued – Yes it was “that” bad?  Coppinger never really recovered and 10 minutes later had to depart with the right hand side of his face badly swollen.  It really was all City and Donny did not have any answer to Albert on one wing and Bolasie on the left and it was really only a matter of time before City scored or thats what we all hoped and after 25 minutes they did just that?  A inch perfect cross from the right by Cole Skuse gave the debutant Wood what appeared to be the easy chance of heading past Button which he did easily to put us one up.  2 minutes later Kilkenny had another shot tipped over by the very busy Button but after 29 minutes our friendly referee Fred gave us another “helping hand” when he produced a straight red for Donny’s defender Beye when he appeared to make a very poor challenge on Skusy down by the corner flag.  From the resulting free kick with the Doncaster defence still in total disarray Cisse headed in to put us 2 nil up and at this time it really looked (Probably for the first time at the Gate this season?) like it would be a question of “How many” we were going to score as Donny looked like a total shambles.  Strangely Saunders decided to take a forward off (bearing in mind he was already two zip down) and bring on another central defender to replace the departed Beye who was now enjoying first use of the shower facilities.With five minutes of the first half left Cisse had another shot saved low down by the busy Button and the final action of the first half was another brilliant Bolasie run whereby he beat three players but unfortunately Albert could not control his cross.  When Fred finally blew for half time he was immediately confronted with a Doncaster “delegation” (Presumably still protesting about Beye’s red card) consisting of Saunders (finger wagging – Mancini style!!!), Button the keeper and SURPRISE, SURPRISE, Diouf.

The first half was probably the most one sided in City’s favour that we had witnessed at the Gate this season thus far.  James really could have brought a book out to read and I cant really remember Donny having one worthwhile effort in the whole of the 45 minutes – Yes they really were that bad.

At half time a lady who is to Bristol City what the Queen Mother was to the Royal family walked round the pitch and after  your match reporter had shared a few minutes and warmly shaken her hand my eldest was heard to tell me “THAT I HAD PULLED!!!” The lady in question being (Totally unknown to the child of the eighties sat next to me) the late and great Harry Dolman’s widow, Marina who looks very good for her 75 years young.  For this “faux pas” Chris gets my second nomination for the GSGM award for the day.  Blame myself that I have not taught him sufficiently that he can recognise such a BCFC “icon” as our Life President but his “comment” made me chuckle at a time when laughs have been sparse to say the least?

Most City fans would have enjoyed the half time “entertainment” (I use the word extremely loosely) provided by Viscocity or whatever they are called, minus the fat one, so I was reliably informed by their two most ardent followers (No names, but they sit either side of me!!!) thinking that the second half could only bring us a huge City goal rush and that we would absolutely take what could only be best described as a very poor Donny team aided and abetted by our new friend in black to the proverbial cleaners – As normal with City just how wrong we were going to be proved?

As the players re entered the pitch, El Haj gave the Atyeo who not surprisingly were giving him a bit of stick an “unfriendly” middle finger salute.  City again started the second half brightly and Foster had another shot go just wide after only two minutes.  On 53 minutes Bolasie attempted a “Boom Boom Macoombe” type over head which was easily saved by Button and Donny really now appeared to be very much in “damage limitation” mode as they left a slightly overweight Billy Sharp it must be said to plough a very lonely furrow up front all on his lonesome.  So the game now dropped into a very strange passage where it really appeared that BOTH teams were more than happy to settle for a 2-0 City win???  Doncaster were quite happy to defend and City really did not look as though they had much desire to press home our obvious advantage so the game descended into City quite happily spreading it across the pitch backwards and forwards just inside the Donny half and Donny putting everyone behind the ball apart from Slimming World’s very own Billy up front?  Bizarre.

Then on 66 minutes Del Boy replaced Skusy who had been playing at right back with Pitman.  Now I really hope that Cole was carrying some sort of injury as if he wasnt then it was a totally daft change as it meant that the impressive Foster had to come across from the left back berth over to cover Skusy at right back and Pearson (whom I am presuming has never played left back in his life?) moved back to left back.  Now call it coincidence or call it something else but from this moment on Doncaster suddenly came into the game and with a quarter of an hour left the previously totally unemployed Calamity (Who had been SO unemployed he didnt even have an opportunity to display his customary once EVERY game “Calamity” moment) was forced to pick the ball out of the net as a Doncaster cross was headed over him by the pantomine villain Diouf who was left so unmarked in the area he probably would have had time to have pulled a mooner, let alone giving the middle finger to the Atyeo.  Del Boy immediately responded by taking off one of our goal scorers in Wood (Whom it must be said did little apart from scoring the goal) and gave Stead a run out, whom was no better than Wood???  All of a sudden Donny sensed that despite them being down to ten men and possessing the worst away record in the Championship, they just “might” be in with a sniff of a point, incredibly?  They attacked and now it was almost all a tide of blue coming towards the Atyeo.  Del Boy by now clearly shared our concerns and with eight minutes to go took Bolasie off and replaced him with James Wilson.  Wilson immediately went to right back (Hes a CENTRAL defender Del Boy NOT a right back) so Foster was despatched BACK to the left?  The guy couldnt have known if he was coming or going????  With five minutes to go Calamity made his first real save of the afternoon when he saved a Sharp effort and Donny pressed constantly right up to the end of the alloted three minutes of added on time by our new mate Fred.

In conclusion three points is three points and the way we started against a Doncaster team even WITH 11 men appeared to suggest that they are one of at least three teams worse than us playing in the Championship and unless something most strange happens between now and the end of the season then purely on this fact alone and no other that there IS three worse sides than us in the division we “should” be safe for another season.  But one has to really ask what “if” Saunders when he went down to 10 men and two goals down had not gone into “damage limitation” mode and had decided that shit or bust is the way and attacked us????  The outcome really could have been a lot different.

City (Marks out of 10)

Calamity – 5.5 – Really had a little to do apart from pick the ball out of the net and one save from “Fat Boy”

Skuse – 6.5 – Really bombed forward well in the first half and it was noticable that now we have Foster Skuse goes forward for set plays and got on the end of two chances early on.

Foster – 7.5 – Looked good on the ball, got forward wherever possible and “just” pips Cisse for my MOM on the fact that he was asked to keep switching his positions which he did well.

Nyatanga – 5 – With Donny only leaving Fat Boy up front then didnt really have anyone to mark but was no where to be seen when Diouf headed in?

Carey – 6 – Basically he looked after Fat Boy and made a decent job of it.  Birthday boy 35 today.

Kilkenny – 6 – Alright game.  Does the Lee Johnson “bits and pieces” role but I was not the only one to notice that stamina just might be in question???

Cisse – 7 – Really strode through the game and looked assured, calm and confident and even got his name on the scoresheet.

Pearson – 5.5 – Nothing like as effective as he was against Millwall when he played much wider.

Bolasie – 6.5 – Good game.  Lots of tricks and at times looks like he really is taking the piss out of defenders.

Adomah – 6 – In the first half he ran the Donny defence down their left absolutely ragged.  Not for the first time this season after a very good first forty five faded significantly in the second.

Wood – 4 – Sorry but first impressions I have to agree with my son who went to Brighton.  Certainly no better than Stead and apart from the goal which looked like he couldnt miss didnt do much.

SUBS

Pitman (For Skuse) – 4 – Yet again did nothing.  I am really starting to get concerned about Pitman?  Keeps saying he wants a chance but then does the square route of F all when he gets a chance???

Wilson (For Bolasie) – 4.5 – Not really a full back by any stretch but in the short time on was ball watching far too much.

Stead (For Wood) – 4 – Like Wood and Pitman did nothing.

So finally I give you this afternoons nominations for the GSGM:-

Firstly – Dean Saunders for paying “homage” to Smiler Naylor and donning (Im here all week!!!!) a pair of Max Wall trousers.

Secondly – My very own Chris for NOT recognising the Club President and then claiming that I had pulled her!!!

Third – This is very close to winning I give you the poor City ball boy who “volunteered” to go in goal during the warm up whilst the likes of Maynard, Stead and Pitman (Well alright not Pitman who was more likely to hit the top of the Atyeo) rained shots in on the poor little sod!!!

But “just” my winner of todays Glen Schmidt Golden Moment goes to………………………………………………  Drum roll from the combined corps of the Portsmouth, Blackpool and recently joined Donny drummers if you please goes to……………………………………… The Donny subs who are clearly the “Hippest Possee” witnessed as Ashton since Marvin and HIS possee turned up in the Mav mobile last season!!!!

And finally my own personal tribute

There are times when football just is not that important

RIP Sal, gone but NEVER forgotten

Now call me old fashioned but “if” I was the manager and my team had either lost to the likes of Coventry or been completely outplayed by a Division one team in Crawley and basically yet again surrendered our place in the FA Cup without a whimper I think that I would have by now given the shower of overpaid, under performers the biggest bollocking of their lives and basically not only would they be running their knackers off this morning but also I would be certainly considering giving some of the untried youngsters an opportunity to see if they could do better?  They certainly could do no worse?

But I have just purposedly watched both of Del Boys post match interviews (Twice) from both the Cov game and the Crawley game and spookily the comments are strangely similar?  Cliches such as “We always knew it was going to be a hard game?”, “We knew they would be aggressive?”, “We are not showing enough quality?”‘, etc. etc. etc.  Well sorry Del Boy but tell me something that I dont know?

NO what I expect to hear is some good old fashioned truths ie “I have left the players under no illusion as to my thoughts”, “Certain players must realise that their performance is not good enough”, “Certain players must realise that ‘if’ they still want to continue being employed by BCFC then they must show a hell of a lot more”‘ etc. etc.

I thought that one of the reasons that Del Boy was brought in was that after the “cosy corner” attitude of Keith Millen, MacInnes would bring in some good old fashioned discipline married with an attitude “That if you just want to do the absolute minimum and still pick up your circa 12K a week then you better get your agent looking elsewhere?”, well I am sorry Del Boy but whilst still remembering that you are still learning about what you have inherited, it does not take a football genius to realise that there has to be something very wrong when a team can go to Southampton and win yet two weeks later almost the same team goes to Crawley and are played off the park???

The players almost certainly done for Millen I really just hope that they dont do the same to MacInnes – Not only for him but more importantly for us fans?

Perhaps a clue to the current “cosy” life style that our players appear to be living can be witnessed every home game parked behind the Atyeo?

On any match day there is not one motor parked in the players car park which would have a showroom price tag of less than 30K – One has to ask just “what” are they doing to earn such luxuries but just as importantly WHO is paying for these top of the range automobiles?  Yes US the paying fans and unless we start to see a desire from most of them to want to keep these luxuries then the fans will certainly start to vote with their feet?

Presently the only man who can change this attitude from our overpaid under performing prima donna’s is Del Boy and unless his public face is a hell of a lot different to how he is appearing to the players in the dressing room then my concern is growing???

I just sincerely hope that Del Boy has both a pair of very large balls to stand up to the vast majority who must be told in no uncertain terms that they will NOT be allowed to pick and choose just “what” games or stadiums that they want to perform at but even more importantly is that Sex Bone supports the manager 100% when / if he goes to the Chairman with recommendations on just WHICH ONES must be got rid of – How ever painful that might be in the case of paying off contracts?

After what can only be described as a disaster losing at bottom team Coventry and then unbelievably becoming the first team to win a League game at the St.Marys stadium at Southampton in 2011, City fans must have wondered just “which” City team were going to turn up on what can only be described as a “foul” night in Bristol.  Also since my last post young Mr.Maynard has now made official that “She who must be obeyed” (No not his wife – his Mother!!!!!) has insisted that Nicky must leave Ashton Gate and he will not be signing a new contract – My information is that I just hope that both Mrs.Maynard and young Nicky likes the taste of Newcastle Brown, but not until the end of the season????  Also just before kick off at the Gate, news came through that our old mates over on Horfield Common had decided to dispense with yet another Manager (allegedly they are still paying Torquay compensation for “poaching” Buckle in the first place!!!!).  In the chip shop close to the ground where I bought my tea there was total and unanimous disappointment at this news as most City fans really thought and hoped that Buckle was the right man to take Rovers down to the Conference and hopefully beyond!!!!  on going into the ground a new year but nothing new with the girl sat behind the turnstile busily typing messages on her Blackberry and not even bothering to look up or greet me as a paying customer?  The first “celebrity” that made his way round the pitch was our old mucker:-

Yes our old pal “Bounce Around” Gary who was making his first official visit since his ignominious exit.  On shaking hands and exchanging New Years greetings I asked Gazza “Just when was he starting his new job over at Horfield Common????”  All I got back was a smile.

Not surprisingly the normally “billiard table” pitch looked extremely heavy.  Millwall brought very few down in fact “Big Tim’s” assessment that they had all travelled down in the same VW van was probably pretty close to the mark.  When the teams were announced by my old mucker David Lloyd the biggest surprise was that Del Boy had decided to start with Brett Pitman partnering little Nicky Maynard in what looked like a 4-4-2 but as soon as the game began it was clear that it was 4-3-3 with Albert being the third striker.  Now I am sorry but I am very far from convinced that Maynard and Pitman can actually make a good partnership?  To my mind they are far to alike and seem to want the same sort of service – But the next 90 minutes might just hopefully prove me wrong?

When the teams came out it was clear that Father Christmas had brought Del Boy a new suit and Doherty a new clipboard – just hope that its not the same one that Millie used to use as a “comforter.”

City kicked off attacking the East end as is normal when we are at home and after only 24 seconds Mav appeared at the back post totally unmarked but somehow managed to put the chance wide and just as significantly he picked up a groin type injury which 10 minutes later finished his nights work. After 2 minutes the mightily impressive (on the night) Pearson had two reasonable chances but both times delayed his final shot.  On 5 minutes Pitman turned very smartly but his shot went just past the Millwall upright.  As previously mentioned on 10 minutes Marvin Elliott was forced to come off to be replaced by Cisse.  Sadly after a very bright start by the team in red, our good play disappeared with the departure of Mav and quite frankly for the rest of the half City looked quite clueless in an attacking sense.  It took 13 minutes for Millwall to force their first shot which was harmlessly deflected for a corner.  Millwall by now had worked out that in the conditions long hanging balls under Calamity’s cross bar could bring benefits and on the quarter of the hour one such ball led to Calamity flapping and dropping one but with Millwall only playing one up front there was no one in a blue shirt to take advantage.  By now the East End had started singing “One Paul Buckle, there’s only one Paul Buckle” HA.  Millwall were now coming more into the game and McGivern in particular was struggling to prevent good crosses coming in from the opponents right hand side.  It took until 28 minutes for City to make another real chance when Maynards effort was blocked by the Millwall keepers legs.  Yet again just after the half hour another long, high ball into City’s six yard box saw Calamity deciding to stay on his line and “if” Millwall had anyone half decent playing up front they would have surely gone in front?  With 6 minutes to half time Pearson had a shot deflected on to the top of the net.  On 41 minutes Pitman earned a harsh looking yellow card when he attempted to block a clearance.  The last action of the first half saw Maynard shoot over from a reasonable position.

The first half saw City start extremely brightly but as previously mentioned as soon as Mav departed we appeared to lose all of our shape and also our attacking edge.  Without being clever neither Maynard or Pitman did anything to make me change my mind that they would never make a fruitful strike force playing together also I could not quite understand just “why” Albert Adomah had spent the first half playing so narrow, almost directly next to Pitman and Maynard????  Adomah’s strength is beating players on the wing, so I cannot quite understand just why when on a very rare occasion when City put two up front they put their winger very close to them???

Disappointingly for the “pervs” (YES, you know who you are boys) Velocity after their appearance on the previous Saturdays Soccer AM must have decided that the inclement weather was not right for short skirts and pretty dance routines so one can only think that they stopped in the pub!!!

The second half started with both teams looking very nervous and in all honesty looking like a couple of teams at the wrong end of the Championship.  After 50 minutes Maynard found himself free on the right and with Pearson totally unmarked in the middle Maynard played the ball behind the ginger midfielder and the chance went begging.  6 minutes Calamity made an awful clearance and Carey had to make a very good tackle to stop Millwall going in front.  After 66 minutes Kilkenny played a suicide ball in midfield but as the Millwall player calmly placed the ball past Calamity in to the City net luckily the linesman waved his flag for offside.  Three minutes later Albert put in his first decent cross of the day and Pearson had his shot blocked for a corner.  With a quarter of an hour to go the impressive Pearson made a forceful run into the Millwall area and a more “dishonest” player would have most certainly taken a dive but Pearson stayed on his feet and a reasonable chance came to nothing.  Maynard then picked up a needless yellow card for a show of petulance.  With 14 minutes to go Bolasie replaced Pitman who quite frankly did very little to suggest that he would be a ready made replacement for Maynard when he goes.  Straight away Bolasie went on a mazy run but his shot was saved low down by the Millwall keeper Mildenhall at his near post.  With eight minutes left Kung Fu Clarkson replaced the “replacement” Cisse with Del Boy presumably looking to beef up the attack?  As per normal Kung Fu’s first contribution was to totally miskick and take a total “air shot” to a reasonable chance on the edge of the area.  Worryingly with six minutes to go Millwall brought on our old “nemesis” Darius Henderson (The guy always seems to score against us).  With three minutes to go McGivern put in a tame shot but it was easily saved by the keeper.

With the fourth official holding up the board to indicate three minutes additional time over the 90 yours truly had already decided that a poor game between two poor teams on a very poor night was going to end goal less.  A minute later City attacked down the right and in one of those “I will find it very hard to forget moments” yours truly remarked very loudly and passionately “How the hell do we ever expect to score with only one man in the box???????”  That man happened to be Nicky Maynard and the last I remember was my fellow City supporters launching themselves into the air as Maynard gave us a very unexpected win???  After much celebration my eldest suddenly realised that his old man was not up jumping about – No I (Probably for the first time ever in a very long career of supporting the City) stayed sat in my seat shaking my head and wondering at the total irony of what had just happened!!!!  But City being City they let Henderson go straight up the other end and James had to make a smart save to stop us dropping two points.

So City’s recent smart run continued but it must be said that we will not play many more poorer teams than Millwall.  But three points is three points and “All’s well that end’s well”.

City (Marks out of 10)

Calamity – 5.5 Smart save right at the end to deny Henderson but really I wish he would command his area more, especially when he is built like a brick out house?

Nyatanga – 5 – Not Championship standard.

Carey – 6 – Not a bad return and provided some much needed confidence at the back.

Elliott – 5.5 – One excellent chance right at the start but sadly injured himself in the attempt and only lasted 10 minutes.

Kilkenny – 5 – Didnt really control the midfield.  Im sorry but I really cant see the difference between Kilkenny and Lee Johnson???

Maynard – 5.5 – Really didnt burst a gut but all said he DID score the goal that got us a precious three points.

Skuse – 5 – Average.

Clarkson (Sub for Cisse) – 5 – Normal Kung Fu performance.  More comedy value than football quality value.

Bolasie (Sub for Pitman) – 6 – Looked hungry with a few impressive runs.

Cisse (Sub for Elliott) – 5.5 – Never spectacular but rarely gives the ball away.

Adomah – 4 – Played three quarters of the game far to narrow.  When he finally did go wide only one decent cross.  For Albert a very poor performance.

Pitman – 4.5 – I am starting to get very worried about Pitman.  Every chance he has had a chance to impress this season he has done nothing.

McGivern – 4 – Sorry but I really cannot see just “what” Manchester City ever saw in McGivern.  Is poor defending and not much better going forward.

Pearson – 8 – Head and shoulders above everyone else in a red shirt,  Best performance thus far from the Derby loanee.

and finally the famous Glen Schmidt Golden Moment:-

There are three nominations for tonights game.

Firstly the East End for “Paul Buckle theres only one Paul Buckle?” Classic terrace humour.

The runner up goes to my old mate David Lloyd

Worryingly it appeared that Dave had taken Del Boys plea to the fans who spotted any prospective signings to let the club know????  Dave was spotted with a contract and a pen imploring some guy in the crowd to sign five minutes before the start!!!!

But tonights winner – Drum roll from the combined drum corps of the Pompey and Blackpool drummers please………….

goes to

Our old “Smile a second” goalkeeping coach Smiler Naylor.  I can only think that when Glen left he left a few of his trackie bottoms in the dressing room and our Stuart decided that the old adage of “Waste not, want not” so he would wear them?  Unfortunately they are about four sizes to small????  Makes him look like:-

The only difference is that Max Wall SMILES!!!!!

I don’t know what happened since our fantastic 9 game unbeaten streak, I hope it’s just a little bump in the road, but something tells me it’s a lot deeper than that, but I have faith in DM to turn it around and keeping us in the Championship. We’ll see what happens during the January transfer window. Will we sell Maynard, and if we do, will we get our money back for him ? Will DM bring in some new blood ? Will someone make an offer we can’t refuse for Albert ? I guess we’ll find out and talk about it in the coming weeks.

So for now, it’s an optimistic Steve B wishing all you Cidereds on both sides of the pond, a HAPPY NEW YEAR. Keep the Faith. Keep the Red Flag Flying High. Keep drinking thy Cider. And last but not least, beat the Saints….COYR !

Now I must admit right from the start that there was a time a long time ago when your writer had more than a “passing” liking for Nottingham Florest (Yes, I know I have added an “l” but that’s how I know them).  In the days when they were managed by the incomparable Brian Clough / Peter Taylor duo they played the game the right way.  The players were hard but fair and unlike today they always showed massive respect to match officials – If they didn’t then they would have Mr.Clough to contend with.  Also during this era it is worth mentioning that they won two European Cups, a European Super Cup and also the old first division which we all now know as the Premiership.  Sadly those heady days of much success have long since departed the City Ground and from being a club who I had a “soft” spot for, they are now a team that I must admit, I would have no sadness if they departed through the Championship trap door especially if we stay up.  In recent years their style of play has changed from being attractive to down right ugly and the respect that they used to deserve under Messrs. Clough and Taylor has long gone to be replaced by the likes of the nasty little sweaty Billy Davies, Steve “Umbrella” McLaren and now Steve Cotterill whom it appears has always fancied managing BCFC, possibly on the back of him being born just up the M5 in Cheltenham?  In recent times the worst example of the “nasty” Florest was when the nasty piece of work whom is Nathan Tyson launched a disgraceful attack on the hapless Dean Gherken in front of a baying East End a couple of seasons back.  As is the way with most of todays referees the man in black on the day Graham Salisbury (Not that I remember it THAT well – much) decided that Tysons “assault” warranted nothing more than a mild chat whilst Deano was stretchered off for a free ride in a blood wagon to the BRI and Wolverhampton’s version of the Blackpool tower – Beanhoffer or Hofmeister or something similar who we then had on loan from Wolves played the last eight minutes between the sticks for City. Of course that “perfect gentleman” Sweaty” Davies also saw nothing wrong in cute little Nathan’s merest tap on the big bully Deano, a view shared by nearly all of the Florest fans and an incident that really sealed my total and utter dislike of anything Florest related.

So we face a Florest side who sadly HA come into todays game with no goals and no wins in their last four – SHAME.  A Florest side who evidently will travel down the M5 with none of their FIVE  first choice centre backs and a Florest club whom (If you believe what is on their forums)  are close to bankruptcy and are really expecting Maynard to have a field day.

As for BCFC it appears that we are sweating on the fitness of both Kilkenny and McGivern.  Presuming that they don’t make it and Del Boy has certainly not been overly positive through the week, then Jamie McAllister “might” return at left back – which in my opinion would not necessarily be such a bad thing taking into account McGiverns recent performances.  Obviously the negative to Jamie Mac returning would be his massive lack of match fitness combined with his maturing years.  If he is not available and McGivern is injured then we will probably take the field with no recognised full backs as presumably Carey will come into the defence and then perm any one of five from Fontaine, Skuse, Nyatanga, Carey and Wilson?  As for Kilkenny this is even more worrying.  If he is not fit then past form of Del Boys  indicates that “The Hairband” will start again.  Sorry writing this some 24 hours prior to the game then I have to beg the question “Why are we playing a winger by trade in midfield, when we still have the likes of Lee Johnson on our books also we still have “Kung Fu” Clarkson who played a lot of his career in Scotland in central midfield?”  Surely either would be a better option than “The Hairband” who as you may have picked up, I am not his greatest fan, in fact I think he is a total waste of a shirt AND a hairband!!!!

It is clear that the Del Boy “Honeymoon” is now well and truly over with us only getting one point from the last possible nine.  Every report indicates that Derby away last week were absolute prime for the taking but we managed to let them have an early Christmas present in the shape of three very easy points, even after we had taken the lead.  Now far from it for me to criticize Del Boy so early in to his tenure ship but I cannot quite understand just why in both the games against ‘Boro and Derby when we were in the possession of one point Del takes off our holding midfielder (Cisse) and chucks another striker (Pitman) on, presumably “gambling” the one point held against the possibility of winning all three?  Well, unless Cisse has been carrying an injury (which no report tends to indicate) then personally I have to question, especially in our current precarious position, the mentality or even the logic behind this thinking, especially when one takes into account that the striker coming on is Pitman who has hardly ever set the world on fire when playing alongside Nicky Maynard – The phrase “Two peas in a pod” certainly springs to mind?

So setting off for Ashton one stat that has been constantly played out this week is the one whereby we have not managed to beat Florest in the league for 37 years and to be totally honest we never looked like we were going to break that hoodoo today?  As your correspondent made an earlier than normal walk down to the Gate (for reasons that will become apparent) the Bristol weather most certainly had a winter feel – a mixture of driving sleet and snow.  So just why did yours truly arrive at the Gate some 2 hours pre kick off?  Well the all time city legends who are Clive Whitehead, Gerry Sweeney and Paul Cheesley were signing copies of a new DVD entitled “Over 50 goals from City’s Golden Era in the top division.”

PS – Cheese had a bit more hair when he scored “THAT” first ever BCFC first division league goal at Highbury!!!  After getting my copy duly signed by the three LEGENDS I then spotted a certain present City never to be legend presumably buying his boss as in West Ham’s Sam Allardyce an early Christmas present – Yes he actually handed over cash for an XXX Large Adidas City coat (As normally worn by yours truly but I hasten to add mine is only X Large) so its obviously for BIG Sam.  So for my first nomination for the Glen Schmidt Golden Moment of the day I give you young Jordan Spence actually spending his hard earned in the club shop.

On going into the ground past the obligatory girl sitting on the turnstile texting her mates with tonights “social” arrangements I soon exchanged cordial Christmas and New Year best wishes with both David Lloyd and Steve Lansdown and then my old mucker “little” Lee Johnson also passed by?  Must admit I was very surprised to see him down at the Gate today as I really thought that at this time of the year he could have found a pantomime and a Snow White somewhere who was short of a dwarf!!!  Just joking Lee.  Seriously it looks like Lee’s time at Ashton is certainly drawing to a close and it is probably unlikely that we will ever see him wear the red shirt again?  Whilst I was one of many who constantly berated little Lee for his passion for either playing constantly sideways or backwards he really IS one of the very nicest City players who I have had the pleasure to “exchange banter” with over forty plus years.  A truly nice guy.

Our old mate Powerade boy put in his normal appearance putting bottles of the stuff in carefully selected positions along the side of the pitch.  Just WHY he bothers who knows as I have yet to see any player take a swig either before or during the game????  If I was you son I really would be thinking of getting a PROPER job!!!

Both teams came out to warm up and for City both McGivern and Kilkenny were on the pitch as was the return of that long forgotten face “Kung Fu” Clarkson.  As for Florest they came out wearing what is most certainly the VERY WORST away strip seen at Ashton either this season or for many seasons for that matter.  Black with a green touch – Bet that sells well in the Florest club shop – NOT.  Also the Florest keeper Lee Camp lived up to his name by wearing a pair of his missus’s black tights.  But to brighten up SOME of the watching 13,121 Vizicity (Or whatever they are called) came out wearing Santa costumes.  So for those PERVERTS who I happen to sit between (Yes, you know exactly who you are boys) heres your early Christmas pressie!!!

Sorry boys but my iphone camera does NOT have a zoom lens!!!  Perverts.

Anyway back to the football.  It appeared that both McGivern and Kilkenny had made “miracle” recoveries and both started with Pearson also returning and Cisse dropping to sitting on the bench.  City kicked off as is tradition kicking towards the East End.  Straight away I must add that the referee was obviously sponsored by MacDonalds, Burger King, Clarks Pies, KFC and Miss Millie’s and clearly he was not backwards in coming forwards in taking full advantage of his sponsors products!!!!  After an early clash of heads City applied pressure but it was Florest who had the first real shot in anger in the 10 minute when Calamity dived down to his left.  I felt that in the first 15 minutes City appeared to be showing Florest far to much respect and seemed to be content in passing the ball backwards and forwards across the pitch but unfortunately 10 yards inside OUR half!!! On 18 minutes uncharacteristically Skusy got shown a yellow for a late challenge. Three minutes later Florest were forced to swap Maloney for Lynch who had suffered clashing heads with Mav in the very first minute.  So please remember now Florest were now without their first SIX first choice central defenders AND WE STILL FAILED TO FING SCORE.  A minute later another Florest attack ended with Kilkenny hacking an effort off of the line.  in the 24th minute Pearson also saw yellow which prompted the East End to serenade the Weebil sorry referee with choruses of both “You fat bastard” and “Your to fat to referee”.  After half an hour it was clear that City were not firing on all cylinders and looked worryingly nervous against a team who they appeared to think were Barcelona but in all honesty deserved nothing better than to be playing on a Sunday morning down the Netham (For those of you who do not know the Netham it is a”pleasant” area of Bristol similar to Brooklyn!!!).  On 31 minutes Calamity was once again in action when he managed to hold on to a shot right on the goal line.  Unbelievably against such a “great” team (I am being SO cynical) City managed their first shot on goal from the Hairband – Its Florest for f’s sake boys!!!  On 44 minutes Florests McGugan put a long range shot wide of Calamity’s right hand post and Lewin “hoof” Nyatanga really summed up both City’s first half performance and the game as a whole by closing an instantly forgettable first half by launching one of world renowned trademark hoof balls from 50 yards straight into Row H of the Williams!!!! Sorry but that was total crap against a team who most certainly should be investigated by “Trading Standards” for classing themselves as a Championship football team.  I think by now you just “might” have picked up that in my opinion that was by far the worst first half of …………………………… sorry but I will not call it football as I really did not see any, since Keith Millen and his famous clip board left BS3.

Now this is really no exaggeration but there was more entertainment during the half time interval as Vistaticity (Or whatever the Pervs pleasure are called) came on chased by a clearly horny Scrumpy and City decided to unveil the Hairbands (And 10 others wearing City shirts in the first half just witnessed) replacement in the January transfer window.  So here BCFC in NYC has a WORLD EXCLUSIVE as I proudly give you Del Boys first transfer signing in the January window?  Drum roll from the combined drum corps of the Blackpool and Portsmouth drummers please……………..

Yes I give you Dennis the donkey together with his agent as Del Boys new signing and the hairbands natural replacement.  There is not a single shadow of doubt in my mind that Dennis will be an impovement on any of the 11 who wore red shirts in the first 45 minutes at Ashton today.  Welcome Dennis at least YOUR manure will be good for the pitch unlike the manure that was on it just!!!

I think that you might be “just” slightly aware that I did not think our first half performance was in the “best” category???

Now personally I would have expected Del Boy to not only have given our mob the Sir Alex “hair dryer” at half time but also the rest of the combined electrical departments of Comet, PC World and any other well known electrical outlet, but, surprisingly City started the second half still appearing to be content with passing the ball sideways between themselves 10 yards inside our OWN half. After 54 minutes the hairband shot weakly into the side netting and as a measure of just how enjoyable the game was we “regulars” started asking each other footie type trivia questions.  3 minutes later Maynard appeared to show his (AND EVERY OTHER PERSON CONNECTED WITH BCFC IN ASHTON GATE THIS AFTERNOON) frustration by hurling the ball in the direction of the Fat Controllers mate but presumably Fatso the referee was wondering just which topping he would have with his next burger so he clearly missed Nicky’s little outburst.  City had a couple of long range shots from Albert and Mav but at this point a goal for either side looked about as likely as Father Christmas complete with a full set of reindeers landing on the pitch!!!! After 66 minutes the by now compulsory substitution board was held aloft to signal a City change with the number 11 showing in red – Come on down Martyn and on came Pitman to SURPRISINGLY appear to play at left back????  One can only think that Del Boy has been rummaging through the managers desk in his office and found some of Millen’s tactics books??? With 20 minutes to go Calamity flapped at a Florest cross but luckily for City a red shirted head diverted the ensuing shot away for a corner when from where we were sitting the ball looked like it was heading towards the back of the City net.  Five minutes later City were awarded a free kick about 25 yards out but with both Maynard and Pitman expressing an interest it was finally passed sideways to Pearson who managed to hit the wall.  It really hurts me to report that my (NOT AND NEVER TO BE) favourite City player Calamity James made a …………………. fabulous (Well I suppose he has earned enough in the last eighteen months so he just might owe us one) save to tip over Tudgays header.  Now this should really tell you everything you need to know about a game at home to a team who had failed to score in their last four and who at start of play were one of only three teams below ourselves in the Championship, that this save by OUR keeper was the only thing that I really remember.  With two minutes to go our new managerial duo of MacInnes and Doherty once again consulted the recently discovered “Keith Millens guide to winning football” book and took off Maynard (Striker) and replaced him with Cisse (Defensive midfielder).  now I know I have criticized Del Boy for going the other way and losing us a valuable two points in the last two games when he took off Cisse and chucked on Pitman in the hope of winning games but I am sorry Del Boy this is really taking the piss my old cock.  This is Florest for f’s sake and they are CRAP.  Whilst the first half was summed up by Big Lewins trademark “hoof ball” into row H of the Williams in the EIGHTY NINTH minute Skusy decided to equal Big Lewins tactics in ending the half in dire circumstances whereby City were awarded a dubious free kick just inside Florest’s half and with all bar Calamity and McGivern up, he decided to, instead of planting the ball into the area (Bearing in mind we are now in the last minute at home to a team with NO centre halves and who have not scored now for a total of 450 minutes, what does Cole do?  He decides to do the very obvious thing and pass it BACK!!!! to McGivern – Unbelievable.  Again lads this is Florest NOT F’ING Barcelona.  A minute into added time Del Boy had to chuck Kung Fu Clarkson on for Kilkenny who appeared when he walked round the track to be suffering from concussion or it might just have been he was as shocked as the rest of us as just how shite our performance was.  The last real action of the afternoon featured Albert weaving one of his trademark mazy runs but just as numbed bums were rising off of their seats to celebrate an incredulous three points his shot went the wrong side of Camps left hand post and thus the refereeing version of the Michelin Man decided that it was time he needed a Big Mac with all the trimmings and blew his whistle.

So by the virtue of us not letting Florest score but then again not scoring ourselves either we will enter the festive period just above the relegation zone, but, I am really sorry Del Boy whilst I will be the first to appreciate that you chose to inherit a challenge of gargantuan proportions when you decided to invest in an Easyjet season ticket on the Edinburgh to Bristol flight but this sort of performance against a team who would struggle to get promotion from the Bristol Combination Sunday Extra League fifth division will certainly not bring the missing hordes rushing back to the Gate???  This really was donkey shite of the first order.

So “if” I am allowed to make just one Christmas wish at this time, please, please, please, please, Del Boy take that Millen tactics folder that you must have found this week as you cleared out Keithy Boys desk and put it in the nearest FING SHREDDER!!!!

So as is tradition my marks out of 10 for those in red on todays Citys performance:-

Calamity – 6 – His distribution was absolutely atrocious but for that “one” save he on his own got us a point against FLOREST for f’s sake.

Skuse – 3 – Sorry but he was truly dreadful.

McGivern – 3.5 – Not much better than his full back partner.

Fontaine – 5 – Generally steady game from Fonts.

Nyatanga – 4 – Sorry at least 6 to many of the “trade mark” hoof balls today.  A worrying trend that is starting to creep back in?

Kilkenny – 4.5 – Didnt really look 100 fit but probably a gamble Del Boy thought was worth the risk.

Pearson – 4 – Did nothing to disprove the theory that he is getting worse by each game not better?

Hairband – 3 – Just CRAP.  What does professional football people see in him that the average Joe Fan not see???

Elliott – 5 – Lot of running but nothing new there but if he was making penetrating runs the defence were to happy in passing it between themselves to notice?

Adomah – 5.5 – Strangely got better as the game went on but just why does he not at some stage switch wings???

Maynard – 5 – Possibly a tad harsh as at times playing on his own he looks just simply lonely.  Perhaps Santa might just bring him a new strike partner for Christmas especially at the Gate?

SUBS

Pitman – 5.5 – Although playing the most of his time on the pitch at left back at least looked like he wanted to move the ball FORWARD unlike our defenders or midfielders.

Cisse and Kung Fu for Maynard and Kilkenny – Were not really not really on the pitch long enough to be rated as crap as the rest????

So my City Man of the Match for today (Just beating Calamity) goes to:-

Dennis the donkey who gets a 6.5 as he does not wear a fing stupid hairband, he never passes side ways 10 yards inside his own half and he is a far better performer than the other mob pretending to be Championship donkeys at BS3 this afternoon!!!!

Now that I have the MOM out of the way, I move on to the now famous Glen Schmidt Golden Moment for today:-

So todays nominees are in reverse order:-

1. Jordan Spence – For his forward thinking in buying a Christmas present in the City shop for his guvnor Big Sam in just the right size XXX large.  Its obvious our Jordan realises that pretty soon he will be returning to the land of jellied eels so he needs to keep in with Sam, but, unfortunately he has made one tiny mistake in his thinking?  Just why would Big Sam wear a City anorak when he manages the Hammers???

2. Power Aid Boy – Waste of time, space and money.

But as is my normal want I have actually kept the winner(s) of this weeks GSGM award to the very end.  Now I cannot claim the credit for this spot.  The credit for THIS spot must go to (just like Lee Johnson) one of the nicest and biggest gentlemen who has ever passed through the gates of Ashton – my old mucker Big Tim.  He very kindly pointed out the following some fifteen minutes BEFORE kick off.  So may I call on the combined drum corps of the massed drums of the Blackpool and Portsmouth drummers (again) please?

I give you some 15 minutes BEFORE kick off our mates who sit directly behind us thus:-

Yes this is not “trick” photography on my part, they are actually FAST ASLEEP!!!!  God bless them.  Its just a shame that the City players decided to follow suit for the following 90 minutes.

So I am now off to watch my (signed) copy of REAL City players on the new City DVD of our “Glory years” just to remind me of times in the past when we had players who didnt wear fing hair bands, didnt spend most of the game passing it sideways 10 yards inside our own half and could beat pub teams like Florest with their eyes closed and both feet tied together, but, before I do I would like to first of all thank all of my readers for taking the time out to stay with (and hopefully have a smile) at my reports this year.  I would also like to thank those whose observations have helped – The pair of perverts known as Tim and Chris (Obviously he got it from his Mother’s side!!!!) who sit either side and put up with my constant reaching to anorak (Only X large unlike Big Sams Christmas present!!!) to get out my pen and paper to note down some noteworthy moment of magic – is that the right word???? (A combination of Thatchers Gold and Echo Falls Chardonnay must be good – HA) so that I can pass on to all of you who are lucky (yes, on todays performance that is EXACTLY the right word) enough to be three and a half thousand miles away from the Gate on match days.

So as this will be my last report before Santa and his little helpers (Look out for Lee J) make their annual appearance may I thank you for reading and may I wish all my very good friends both this side of the pond and just as importantly in my favourite city – NY - 

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HEALTHY 2012.

PLEASE TAKE CARE AND SPEAK SOON.

Best Regards,

Si

There is a saying that goes along the lines of “A man will normally closely resemble their dog?”  Well if you ever wanted a better “football related” example then Tony Mowbray is that man.  Mowbray is at the very best, dour, miserable and carries a permanent look that suggests he is having problems digesting a swarm of wasps!!!!  Tony Mowbray as you well know is the first team manager of Middlesbrough FC.  Most cities or towns have at least one famous landmark or feature that would prove attractive to tourists or visitors.  Middlesbrough’s most famous redeeming feature just happens to be a Transporter Bridge – This in my eyes just about sums up the place.  Prior to the Transporter Bridge Middlesborough’s biggest claim to fame was being the home of the largest ICI chemical works in Europe???  So if you were ever going to try and “match” a manager to fit perfectly with a town’s football team then “laugh a minute NOT” Tony Mowbray would fit Middlesbrough like a glove – And he most certainly does.  In fact you could go as far as to also mention that Middlesbrough’s kit also reflects the drab bleakness of the town that they represent?  Today they played in their “startling” away strip of all black – Really sums up the whole thing, perfectly?  So by now you may have already guessed Middlesbrough are most certainly NOT my favourite “other” team and is certainly not one of the first matches I purposely look out for when the new BCFC fixtures come out every Summer.

Since my last report a week ago after the excellent home win over table toppers Southampton, City have visited Vicarage Road, Watford and by all accounts of work colleagues who made the trip on Tuesday night we were a little fortunate to come away with a point thanks to an early Christmas present from the Watford keeper Scott Loach who let a harmless back pass under his foot for a classic own goal???  Obviously Scott needs the readies that the numerous repeats his mistake will be shown on “Goalkeeping howler” DVD’s.  Evidently first half we could not pass water, but, presumably Del Boy fired a round of Ducks into the players at half time and in the end we could even have managed to claim all three points, whatever our unbeaten run continued?

History is certainly not on our side playing Middlesbrough at home.  Before todays kick off we have only won one of the last 7 games against them at Ashton Gate with the last game last season ending in an embarrassing nil four reverse so I will say hear and now that your reporter walked down to the Gate with a very “bad feeling.”

As todays game was being featured on SKY those of us here in the UK had to contend with a 17:20 kick off.  Obviously this certainly did not meet with the agreement of our goalkeeping coach, Stuart Naylor as when I “enquired” pre kick off why he looked so knackered?  He responded that he was normally in bed at this time!!!!  There was a “healthy” number of ‘Boro fans in attendance considering that the game was live on SKY and the distance involved.  It was nice to see an “old favourite” of this site Little Lee Johnson make a rare appearance albeit non playing at the Gate and I am glad that we exchanged warm greetings.

So when City came out to warm up there was no Big Lewin as widely expected but what wasnt expected was that there was no Mav Elliott either, so as expected James Wilson came in for Nyatanga and the “Hairband” started in place of Mav?  In hindsight which will always be the most exacting of sciences, I would suggest here was the first of our new Messiah’s mistakes of the afternoon whereby in my opinion he would have been better playing Kung Fu Clarkson in midfield than the hairband who I am afraid apart from a lot of running has not exactly won over City fans since he arrived?

Before the game commenced both teams and supporters joined in with a minutes applause in memory of Gary Speed RIP.

City kicked off attacking the East End as is traditional now and immediately it was obvious that ‘Boro were strong, well organised and had certainly done their homework whereby immediately there was always at least two men marking Albert A. sometimes three and it was clear that their defence would take a lot of breaching?  On 5 minutes the yet again impressive Cole Skuse won the ball strongly and set up the hairband whose dangerous cross alluded all other players in a red shirt.  On 9 minutes Kilkenny had a long range shot go narrowly over, but generally City looked nervy in the opening exchanges and were certainly missing their talisman Marvin Ellioitt.  It took 11 minutes for Albert to make his first real run and his cross was sadly scuffed by Nicky Maynard allowing the very impressive ‘Boro keeper Steele to make an easy save.  A minute later Steele was once again in action when he made a double save as city started to press.  On 19 minutes McGivern “literally” put a ‘Boro player into the Dolman stand in what could have been a very nasty incident but happily the opposition player was soon back in the action?  Memo to the blonde left back – NEXT TIME HIT HIM HARDER!!!  Both sides were showing plenty of patient build up but little final product.  On 42 minutes Skusy found himself in a dangerous position but his cross was to close to the keeper.  So at half time both sides disappeared down the tunnel with no goals to show.

Neither side made any changes at half time and the first action of note in the second half occurred when Fonts was shown yellow when giving a free kick away just outside our area, but happily the free kick came to nothing.  Two minutes later Calamity made his normal “at least once a game” howler when he came racing off his line but again luckily the ‘Boro player whom he inadvertently passed to was unable to take full advantage.  On the hour mark the hairband made his first real positive run of the afternoon and was promptly hauled off and replaced by Bolasie.  A minute later Albert had a good shot parried away but then ‘Boro went straight up the park and Emnes should have done better when well placed?  On 67 minutes Bolasie might have been a touch lucky to get away with what appeared to be a late timed challenge which left a “Boro player writhing in agony.  Two minutes later after Bolasie put in a good cross the fans in the Dolman appealed in unison for a penalty when the ball appeared to strike a ‘Boro hand but the referee Linington (Spelt T R I P E) waved the appeals away.  With twenty minutes left Del Boy replaced Pearson with Pitman switching the formation from 4-5-1 to a more attacking 4-4-2 which seemed to please “boro no end.  3 minutes later Maynard shot narrowly wide but then with 89 minutes showing on the electronic clock on top of the East End the impressive Wilson gave away what appeared to be a very soft free kick in a very dangerous position which resulted in the “Boro French substitute Martin launching an absolute exocet past Calamity to give the visitors all three points.  The referee (If thats what you can call him) Linington added on five minutes additional time but in all truthfulness City never really looked like breaching what it must be said a very organised and resolute ‘Boro defence.

CITY (Marks out of 10)

Calamity – 5 – In truth did not have a lot to do but his age showed when in the last minute he decided to come up for a corner and just about made it past the half way circle!!!

McGivern – 4 – Sorry but I do not rate and hopefully McAllister will be back next week.

Skuse – 7 – In my opinion our best player this season and might as well admit he is now a right back not a midfielder.

Wilson – 6 – Did well in his comeback BUT it was his rash “challenge” not necessarily a free kick that lost us the points.

Fontaine – 7.5* – Just tips Skusy to MOM.  Commanding and was obviously coaching Wilson through the game.

Cisse – 7 – As always got through a lot of unseen work.

Kilkenny – 6 – Covered a lot of ground as always.

Pearson – 6 – Surprised that he was not employed in the midfield when it was known Elliott was not available.

Hairband – 5.5 – Still cannot see it??? Looked good when playing for Scunny but has not shown that form at Ashton.

Adomah – 6 – Worryingly a quieter game for Albert?  Is this that opposition managers have now worked out where our biggest threat comes from???  Hmmmm

Maynard – 6 – A lot of running but surprisingly with the cameras in he did not really pose any threat?

SUBS

Bolasie (For hairband) – 6.5 – A couple of good crosses but must realise that he has to track back.

Pitman (For Pearson) – 5 – Did nothing to change the game

So our unbeaten run is over but truthfully today and the last week will be remembered for something a lot more poignant than City losing at home to Middlesbrough.  What the last week will be remembered for is the very sad loss of a TRUE FOOTBALL LEGEND and A THOROUGHLY NICE HUMAN BEING and that is why I have very purposedly decided not to award any GSGM nominations or awards but I am putting the space normally reserved for this weekly award to remember

GARY SPEEDRIP

Take Care

COYR

As for BCFC since I last wrote, Del Boy appears to have continued to quietly start asserting his own personal style of management?  I have it from a very good source that unlike our previous management regime whereby training was when some of the players could be bothered to turn up (or in SOME individuals instances – “allegedly” – couldn’t be bothered to turn up at all!!!!), training now is at 10:00 (Or time specified by Del Boy) and the players know that for 10:00 please read “TEN O’CLOCK” not 10:01, not 10:05, not even 10:30, but 10:00 and any of them failing to meet the deadline will both be fined and will not feature in the next game???? Good on you Del, about time somebody made a few of them “smell the coffee” and realise what working in a normal job is like?

On the playing front since the impressive home win over Burnley, we visited our old “mockers” from Cold Blow Lane area of London and in a game which I hope all my friends in my (new) favourite city ie NY managed to catch over their breakfasts we came away with another good three points with two goals from Nicky Maynard.  Just a couple of “observations” from the trip to Millwall if I may and not wishing to be seen to be pouring cold water on what was overall a great performance, but firstly, whilst watching the game on SKY I had to wonder just how much the presence of the cameras played a part in a certain Mr.Maynard looking a lot more interested.  It will be very interesting to see if the same happens next Saturday when again we feature on Sky when we are at home to the “Smog Monsters” at a more reasonable time for those of you on the other side of the pond as in this instance you will be able to enjoy the game (hopefully) whilst you eat your lunch rather than your breakfast bagels.  Secondly I still have major worries and concerns about our current left back incumbent “The blonde bombshell” known as Ryan McGivern?  Now it might just have been me but I thought he looked woefully short of pace – The Millwall winger had him on toast and his positional play at times was certainly not the best.  It will be interesting to note this afternoon “if” Nigel Adkins (A MUCH under rated Manager in my very humble opinion) has spotted the same potential weakness and if this is the area whereby he orders most of Southamptons attacks to major on???  I really hope not, but, I have a concern as I write this pre game?

Now I must admit I have a confession to make, all of the above was written some 24 hours prior so it just shows how much I know, but, I am now sitting here some 90 minutes after the final whistle writing up the report and the one thing that I am REALLY happy about is that our mate Stevie A. was also at the Gate today to witness what was by far our best home performance of the season?  Steve you really must be our lucky mascot pal.

So to the action.  Bristol woke to a very typical Autumnal day, grey and cloudy but unusually not that cold.  For the weather experts amongst us – this time last year we actually had snow but BCFC were in a much healthier position in the Championship?  As I walked down to the ground it was clear that the Saints who led the Championship by five points at the start of the day had brought a massive following as the KFC on Winterstoke Road (Always a good barometer) was absolutely rammed with red and white striped shirts.  A little further on I found my first nomination for todays Glen Schmidt Golden Moment when directly outside the clubs main entrance was a copper whose horse had deposited a large pile of the steaming brown stuff, but, fair play to the mounted boy in blue, he had from somewhere managed to find a dustpan and brush and was busily clearing up.  Unfortunately I didnt manage to get a picture of the “action” but I can assure you that the coppers action prompted a lot of comments along the lines of “Shame you werent here six weeks ago, you would have needed more than a dustpan and brush to clear up the amount of shit that was down here!!!!”  Terrace humour at its best – But more of that later?

Now as soon as I got into the ground I very quickly witnessed the second nomination for todays GSGM.  Bearing in mind there was hardly anyone in the ground but I found these couple of fellows clearly anxious to make sure that they would get a seat for todays game.  I wonder if you just “might” be able to identify at least one of them:-

Well let me give you a clue (If you havent already guessed?).  He is worth £750 million pounds and is ranked 90th in Britains rich list????  But whatever he is clearly passionate about our team!!!!

Soon after my old sparring partner David Lloyd of Vivacity fame (Sorry Big Tim) walked round the running track and we exchanged pleasantries on first name terms – SO NOW IS MY OPPORTUNITY TO PUBLICLY STATE THAT WHILST IN THE PAST DAVE AND MYSELF HAVE NOT ALWAYS SEEN “EYE TO EYE” ON MANY SUBJECTS BUT NOW AS FAR AS MOI IS CONCERNED THE HATCHET IS BURIED AND WE GO FORWARD TOGETHER.

Pretty soon both teams came out on to the pitch for their warm ups and for the first time in my memory of attending games at the Gate the Saints mob started laying out mats and started doing some weird stretching exercises using bars and contorting themselves in weird angles with a piece of 6 by 3???  Now I was very reliably informed by Big Tim’s better half that they were doing Pilates – Sorry but I prefer chips with mine!!!!!

Now far from it for me to argue with the view that this sort of warm up benefits them as they are five points clear at the top (Schmidty take note pal – Pilates, evidently its the future!!!!  just like garlic bread?) but personally i thought they looked like a load of ballet dancers but just for the sheer unusual site I will give the Southampton team todays third nomination for todays GSGM – Especially as the Great Man and our (VERY SADLY) ex fitness coach would surely have approved of?

Down at the other end of the pitch it was very encouraging to see the Guvnor or SIR BIG DEL as he is now known overseeing the City warm up and I am pleased to report there was not even one “pilate” on view anywhere from the boys in red????  When my newly acquainted mate Dave announced the teams there was no surprises when he announced that City went with exactly the same 16 that won us three points in South East London last Sunday.  As for Southampton they had a certain Richard Lambert ex of Whorefield Rangers in their starting line up and I am extremely pleased to report got absolute Dogs Abuse from start to finish!!!!  Also before the start for those of our “gang” who appear to have a certain liking for certain over weight young(ish) ladies wearing red and white and twirling round pom poms (You know who you ARE boys – Perverts!!!!  PS Have you opened up your Facebook account yet Tim, Oooops sorry pal) they got a pre game boost when Velocity or viscocity or v something made a pre game appearance.

So City kicked off in front of over 16,000 (Looked a few more, but, if thats all we tell the tax man who cares?) attacking the East End as is our normal way.  For the first five minutes neither side created any real clear chances but after only 7 minutes our visitors suffered a serious blow when their influential playmaker Richard Chaplow of very follically challenged fame crumpled in a heap in the centre circle apparently under no challenge and played no further part in the proceedings (He later re emerged on crutches with his leg in a brace).  The first real chance did not arrive until 14 minutes when Calamity was forced to make a smart save diving low to his left to divert the ball for a corner.  Worryingly at this stage Southamptons (4) midfielders looked to be getting the better of Citys (5!!!) midfielders.  after 23 minutes Nicky Maynard badly scuffed his shot wide when he appeared to lean back and two minutes later Albert Adomah had a long range shot go narrowly wide.  Then on 28 minutes a very harmless cross from McGivern was inexplicably dropped by the Saints keeper Davies but luckily for him and not for us the ball rolled agonisingly the wrong side of the post for a corner.  City were now coming more into it and after 35 minutes Marvin Elliott won the ball well in midfield but he was stretching when he hit his shot and the chance came to nothing. Two minutes later Marv won another 50/50 in midfield but again Maynard wasted the opportunity.  A minute later Southampton “should” have opened the scoring when a bad pass from Pearson was intercepted but luckily (for us) the reasonably easy chance went begging.  The final action of a very enjoyable first half came when on 43 minutes Pearson took the ball round the Saints keeper Davies but unfortunately he took it so wide that he was unable to get a clear shot on goal so half time came with City looking the better team and certainly not looking a team some 21 places beneath their visitors.

Now the half times entertainment / draw was done by a gentlemen whose CV is as follows:-

At the 1968 Olympics, he competed in six distance races in eight days. In the 5,000-metre final he earned a silver medal. In the 1,500 meters he won the race by 20 meters. At the 1972 Games, he won a silver medal in the 1,500 meters and a gold medal in the 3,000-metre steeplechase.

But i am extremely embarrassed to report that when my old mate Dave announced the name of the owner of such a wonderful record my off spring standing next to me said – “WHO?”  I can only presume that just like Big tim he could not wait for the “re appearance” of Vivacious or whatever they call themselves?  Anyway from those more knowledgeable City fans we gave the great Kip Keino a big Ashton welcome.

So for the pair of perverts who sit either side of me Viscocity (Some of whom are sponsored by either Clarks or Ginsters pies) made their second appearance of the afternoon.  Make your mind up yourselves?

There you are boys – I hope you have many hours of enjoyment and Tim you can even talk to them on Facebook pal????  UNBELIEVABLE.

Anyway back to the action.  The second half began with Saints pinging the ball round nicely but 2 minutes in the ever impressive Albert Adomah had a good shot palmed away but was not to be denied as a minute later another Albert shot took a wicked deflection and totally wrong footed Davies in the Saints goal and cue MASSIVE CELEBRATION – City went one up.  A couple of minutes later the Saints Chaplow emerged from the tunnel on his crutches with leg in brace supported by two of his non playing team mates so I thought that I would be very public spirited and just remind them that they had actually missed the games opening goal to which one of Chaplow’s mates quickly replied with “Yes we know, but, good pie though!!!”  As I previously said “You cannot beat ‘traditional’ terrace humour.  As you can imagine the City fans were now well behind the team and I can report with some certainty that it was the most positive atmosphere that we had experienced at the Gate this season.

After 50 minutes Stephen Pearson was rightly yellow carded for a rash challenge and from the resulting free kick Saints had a very good chance to equalise but it was wasted badly in front of their own fans.  5 minutes later Albert shot across the face of the goal when the equally ever impressive Stephen Pearson appeared to be better placed in front of goal and on the hour Mav headed narrowly wide from a Pearson corner.  A minute later Big Del made the first change of the afternoon when he replaced the hard working Cisse with the hairband AKA Martyn Woolford.  Five minutes later Albert put another cross right across the six yard box (again) but there was no City player on hand to apply the final touch.  On 67 minutes Nicky Maynard had a reasonable penalty claim turned away by referee Chris Sarginson.

Now it is only very correct that I take a minor “time out” (In American sporting terms) at this juncture and post more than a word of praise for Mr.Sarginson.  In my opinion he was by far the best ref that we have had the pleasure (or displeasure) of seeing at the Gate this season.  His brilliant application of the advantage rule certainly allowed us to get our second goal and his decision to deem that the Saints sub De Ridder had taken a “beehive” in our penalty area which in turn he gave him a yellow for was even more pleasing.  Also his total man managing of the players appeared to be excellent.

Anyway – Time back on.  On 72 minutes the same Saints sub De Ridder blazed horribly (For those of a Southampton bent massed behind the same goal) high and over when it looked far easier to score.  With quarter of an hour to go Big Del replaced the impressive Stephen Pearson with James wilson.  One can only presume that he was concerned about the possibility of Pearson possibly picking up another yellow which would have meant that he got first use of the communal bath?  Whatever at this stage Pearson looked shattered as did a lot of others – Kilkenny, Maynard, Adomah to name but a few?  In all fairness to our sadly departed pal Glen it must be noted STRONGLY that the boys look no where near as fit this season, especially in the last quarter of games, as they did when they were under Glen’s guidance.

With 10 minutes left Mav went down in the Saints box and the ref worryingly immediately stopped play – never a good sign.  But Mav soon recovered and almost embarrassingly Saints almost presented him with our second as, as soon as he was waived back on sloppy play by the visitors presented the ball straight to him but he was unable to put his shot on target.  But two minutes later, Albert Adomah was crudely hacked down but the referee played a brilliant advantage and Nicky Maynard made the game (almost) safe when his shot took (another) deflection and the ball looped over Davies into the back of the net. 2-0 COME ON YOU REDS.

With three minutes left to go, the clearly tiring Maynard was replaced by obviously frustrated Brett Pitman and City saw out the SIX minutes additional time for a top win in a season that has certainly been devoid of highlights, especially pre Big Dels landing at the Gate?  Just a thought?  I wonder what Keith Millen is thinking tonight????  As for the league leaders, they certainly played some nice football and at times appeared to be a little guilty of “over playing” and taking one to many passes but who cares about the opposition?  The main thing is that six weeks ago a performance like this was a million miles away and sadly, relegation looked an almost certainty and whilst we still sit in the bottom three tonight a lot of fans our actually mentioning the “P” word – yes, play offs!!!! Unbelievable.

City players marks out of ten

Calamity – 7 – Made a couple of crucial saves and at times actually came out to the edge of his area to intercept balls.  Strangely kicked the ball upfield today more than normally he tends to do?

McGivern – 6 – Sorry but I am CERTAINLY not convinced?  Skinned for pace on at least one occasion and distribution not the very best?  Personally cant wait to see Jamie Mac back.

Skuse – 7 – Whilst he still sees himself as a midfielder I think his future looks far more assured at right back.  Another Bradley Orr.

Fontaine – 8 – Clearly had a point to prove and he did.  Kept Lambert very quiet, unlike the City fans who constantly reminded him of his blue past!!!

Nyatanga – 7 – Starred alongside Fonts.  Nice to report only one trade mark Lewin “hoof” ball???

Kilkenny – 7.5 – Ran on every blade of grass and is clearly a far better player playing for Big Del.  Only one slight negative is that with 15 minutes to go he always looks absolutely knackered???

Elliott – 7.5 – Made several telling interceptions on Saints players as they attempted to play out from the back.  Looked like he was tasked with playing higher up the field today?

Cisse – 7 – Same as Mav.  Some excellent closing down.

Adomah – 9 – Worry is two fold?  First, just WILL we be able to hold on to come Jan as surely Prem teams have noted his undoubted skills plus he must surely be bound for the Africa Cup with Ghana?

Pearson – 8 – There must be something seriously wrong with either Nigel Clough or Pearson and Derby?  Just WHY would they loan such a good player to another Championship team???? Sign him.

Maynard – 8 – Cannot believe he is the same player as looked so DISinterested under Millen?  Ran his socks off and got the deserved second.

Subs

Hairband (For Cisse) – 6.5 – Still not convinced but one shot on the volley gave some encouragement and it is clear Big Del rates him so thats good enough for yours truly?

Wilson (For Pearson) – 6.5 – Went straight to right back with Skusy going into midfield when he came on.  Did nothing wrong.

Pitman (For Maynard) – 6 – Purely for “apparent” attitude?  After the final whistle volleyed the ball at Atyeo goal (And missed) and clearly looks like he thinks he should be starting?

THE GLEN SCHMIDT GOLDEN MOMENT AWARD

Drum roll from the combined drummers from Fratton Park and Bloomfield Road please.

Firstly – The copper with his dustpan and brush sweeping up his horses view of having to work at Ashton this afternoon.

Second – Some “down and out” getting in the ground before it opened to make sure he got his favourite seat????

Third – Southampton FC.  Doing their pilates.  Clearly something that would be “close” to our heroes heart.  I will still have chips with plenty of salt and vinegar with mine.

Lastly – For the second game on the trot (Whoops) my eldest off spring for uttering “Who?” when the athletic legend who is Kip Keino was introduced to the City faithful?

But the winners are…………………………………..

The two chaps pictured sat all on their own in a deserted stadium some hour and a half before kick off, just because they’d heard a rumour that Vivacity were coming out on to the pitch early to warm up!!!!  HA

Stevie A have a very safe trip back to the Greatest City in the world.

COME ON YOU REDS.

Stay safe.

Very Best Regards

Si

Unfortunately we didn’t have a meet up due to it being shown at 8-15am on Sunday,  not as good watching it in your living room, the missus giving me funny looks every time I jumped out of the chair cheering to myself, joining in with small contingent of City fans at Millwall singing, Drink up thee Cider with my “cup of tea” raised in the air, not quite the same as cheering along with Steve A, Andy and the boys with a pint of Cider in hand !

Anyway, I’ll leave the main report to Si, there’s no way I can compete with that !  By the way Si, you never gave us call to go out for a drink while you were in the Apple !! I’m sure you were very busy, sounded like you had a great time. Congrats on you sons wedding, I’m sure he’ll produce some future City fans for you !!

All the best from a very happy, Steve B. COYR !